Recently, we worked with a coaching client who had a specific weight loss goal. It would be a huge milestone for her to reach it. She had once gone to the doctor and the scale topped out at over 320 lbs. Since then, she had been on a journey to lose the weight, and had already lost over 70 lbs.
She was making amazing progress so far. She changed her entire lifestyle. She was getting praise from the people around her. She was changing her life in an incredible way.
But, this is where it got interesting.
During one of our first coaching sessions she mentioned her goal:
“If I could just get to 200lbs. I would be so happy.”
I said, “That’s awesome, by the looks of it, you’ll get there.” I followed it with, “What are you going to do when you get there?” and then, “Why isn’t your goal something like getting to your ideal weight, say 150lbs.?”
She looked a little shocked. “I really don’t know.”
Now in her 40’s, she had already told me about how her weight was never an issue when she was in her early 20’s. Back then, she weighed around 140lbs. After having several children and some health issues in her body, the weight crept on over the years.
I asked her, “Do you think it’s not possible? I mean, you’ve been at that weight before.”
After a long pause, she responded, “I guess I’m afraid of failing.”
Safe Goals vs. the Real You
That 50-pound window for our client was really a buffer built on fear. To find out exactly what fear, we had to start digging. It revealed two things:
- The fear of making others feel inadequate.o If she lost all of the weight, it would make those around her who were overweight feel insecure. (Very specific people, actually)
- The fear of failing.
o What if she set a goal that is too lofty and can’t reach it?
At the bottom of it all, she felt like she didn’t deserve it. She felt unworthy to have a body that actually looked good – really good. The difference between 200 lbs. and 150 lbs. wasn’t just a number. It was the difference between someone who felt worthy and someone who didn’t.
Have you ever felt that way? Are you setting safe goals because you are secretly afraid of what you really want? Do you feel like it is out of reach for some reason? That if you make it your goal, for some reason you won’t be able to get, or don’t deserve to have it?
Be honest with yourself. What is it you really want? What’s stopping you?
The Goal is not to Reach “Good Enough”. It’s to Become the Real You.
All too often we set goals based on “better” instead of “best”. We set goals that are governed by fear. Maybe you’re afraid that if you actually admit what you want and make it a goal you won’t be able to reach it. Something will try to keep you from it.
The crazy thing is that that something isn’t coming from outside of you, although you may think it does. It’s coming from inside. You can control what thoughts you produce and the actions you take. Yes, things happen in life that can make the journey difficult, but ultimately you call the shots, no one else.
If you find that you can’t get past a certain point in your journey, then perhaps you aren’t living from the most genuine place within you. You aren’t the real you. Some other “you” is controlling things. The “real you” wants to weigh 150lbs. instead of 200. The real you wants the best for your body and life. Someone else has taken control. Someone else is afraid of what you can become. Maybe that’s the real fear.
Our Deepest Fear
I’ll leave you with this quote:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson
Become the real you. Lose ALL of the weight. You will empower others around you to break out of the same shell.
For real this time.
If you haven't yet get the Lose the REAL Weight Guide. It's a step-by-step path to figuring out where things went wrong, how to lose the weight for good, and how to get the real you back. And it's absolutely free.